I am sitting here this morning...starring into the eyes and admiring the smile of the son I never thought I would be able to give my husband. There is something that happens within a women's soul when she is told that she may never carry a child to full term again.
This is the story of how we came to be Four.
Isaiah Tyghe Spitzack. Born August 17th 2012 @ 5:06pm. 7lb 1 oz. 20" long.
1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked."
After our daughter Addison we tried and tried for 6 years to get pregnant. You can imagine the praying that took place! We went to Doctors, Herbalist, Chiropractors....everyone had the same thing to say. "We arent sure why you aren't able to get pregnant. You are healthy and everything looks normal." We had test run...you know the uncomfortable kind...the kind of test where cups are involved and flushing of the fallopian tubes...lol. One thing we said from the beginning was that no matter what....we would not take this situation and try to control it with our own power or the power of drugs and dr's. We knew God had a plan for our life and even though somedays it was unbearable we clung hard to our faith.
After 2 years of pregnacy test, ovualtion tests, romantic trips, trying to be stressfree, gaining weight, losing weight, dr visits, and a couple of miscarriages...we started to change the way we were praying. Instead of asking God and questioning God we began to plead with God and beg Him. We desperately wanted another child. Our daughter Addison began to pray with us daily as well. She longed to have a play mate and I can still visualize her lying in her bed and hearing the sweet words of her prayer for a sibling night after night.
Another year goes by....another couple of miscarriages....another million tears. We again change the way in which we are praying. Our hearts had been softened to adoption. We began to pray that God would lead us and that He would guide us in this journey. We felt strongly that we were being called to International adoption. Afterall; we had traveled the world...we had seen the need. We began working with a local agency and filling out the neccessary paperwork. We began the wait. We continued to travel abroad and work in orphanages and our hearts continued to be worked in. However; we never stopped trying to conceive. And in the back of our minds we still longed to see that plus sign on that little plastic stick.
Then one month I missed another period. Cole and I at this point had decided we were no longer going to use pregnancy tests...at least not for a month after a missed period. A week went by...and then another week....and then another. I couldnt take it anymore...I had to know. That night I asked Cole to take me to Walmart....bought the test...took it and it was positive. The three of us smiled and squealed with excitement. We began to talk about the possibilities and dream of whether it would be a boy or a girl. All seemed well with the world that night and we felt certain this time that this was it! Two days later I begin to spot bleed. We immediately went to the ER. After hours of testing and waiting we were given our numbers and told to come back in two days. The next day I was bleeding badly....but I couldnt accept that this was happening again. After another trip to the ER we were told that our numbers were decreasing and we were indeed losing the child. In that moment you feel hopeless, helpless. You feel abandoned and angry. I just wanted to punch things and scream out to God "THIS ISNT FAIR!!! Why is this happening to me??" As the 3 of sit there crying and feeling as though our hearts have been ripped out and stomped on we listen to the Dr explain that its not our fault, this happens all the time, and we can just keep trying. The same words we had heard time and time again....they brought little comfort to us anymore. But then...Providence steps in.
A trip to Ethiopia changed my heart and my life forever. 2 weeks before a group of missionaries are leaving for Africa I get told about this trip. The trip was supposed to be a group of 10 people but at the last minute someone couldnt go....and that left one spot. The leader of this trip had been praying over this trip for a long time and really felt as though it was meant to be a group 10. In casual conversation I was told about this trip and that they were working in orphanages in Ethiopia. Later that night I told Cole about the trip and he said to me, "You are supposed to go on that trip." Now keep in mind I had no desire to go to Africa in less than 2 weeks nor did I feel that I was prepared mentally, physically or emotionally for that trip. Quite frankly I was still angry. I was hurting and I just wanted to crawl in bed and never get out. I wanted to be selfish and I wanted to say No, I am done! Cole was leaving in 11 days for another tour to Afghanistan and he knew without a doubt that I was going to Ethiopia. When your husband tells you something like that...you listen. You better believe that God has plans that are bigger and better that you can even begin to comprehend. 10 days later I am packed, paid up, and ready to go.
I went to Africa to find a child...but what I found instead was a friend. I spent a few days on the front end of the trip in orphanages. My nights were consumed with studying His word and praying without ceasing that God would speak clearly and loudly to me on this trip. While painting and cleaning some old buildings that would be used for educational purposes for orphans I met a 19 year old girl. After working side by side with her all day she spoke to me in english. I had made the assumption that she didnt know the lanugage and we were both content to work in silence. The first words out of her mouth and her question to me was this, "Are you a Christian?" Suddenly I was overwhelmed with excitement now knowing that I was not alone in that room with my own thoughts. We spent the next couple of hours just talking. She explained to me that Jesus was her only hope. Jesus was all she had. Without her faith and without Him she was nothing and she had nothing. Keep in mind that Muslim is the dominant religion there and people are being killed just for being associated with Christians. She told me she was raped at the age of 17 by someone in her family and became pregnant. She talked with me openly about the shame and heartache that came through out this and how she had to give her child up to an orphanage because she could not care for him. Turns out I had spent two days at the orphange her son was at and I was able to share over 50 photos of him with her. I told her that I wanted to share her story in America when I got home because in America we just DO NOT GET IT!!! I spent the remainder of the trip with her...not everyday because of work and projects and traveling to other areas. She asked me why I came to Ethiopia and I told her about my story.
The words she said to me afterwards burned deep into my heart and I can still see the tears in her eyes today. She said to me, "In Africa women have no hope. You women come from America to take our children away with you. I did not give my son away because I do not want him. We want to keep our children but we can not provide for them or care for them or they will die. No one comes to Africa to help the women and we desperately need your help." WOW. Talk about a dagger straight to the chest. A few days later I left Ethiopia behind and I got to go back home to my family, cozy bed, my cell phone, computer, healthy meals, multi vitamins, and weekend get a ways...and I left a portion of my heart with that woman in Africa. God used her to change my perspective.
One day we got a phone call from a friend. She told us that she had a friend who had a friend that was possibly thinking about giving her unborn child up for adoption here in the states. It was a boy and she was 5 months pregnant. She was still considering abortion at this point as well. Without going into all the personal details just know that Gods hands were once again at work all over this....and 2 days later the 3 of us were on a plane to visit her. We spent 3 days with her and she was certain that if she decided to go the adoption route we would be the family she would want to raise him. We spent the rest of her pregnacy in contact via telephone and email. She was not a christian and in fact she worshiped Buddha. God's provision throughout this was so strong and it was easy to live by faith during this time because we could feel Him and see Him all around us. When He said Go...we went. Whatever we heard we obeyed. God was teaching us to hear Him and He was showing us what faith truly meant and what it really meant to follow Him without our own agendas. Our hearts were being prepared for all the He had in store and we were finally at a point in our walk with Him when we could say boldly and withour reservation "Ok Lord, whatever your will is we pray that it be done in our lives." That mother decided to keep her child. We were so blessed just to know her and to be apart of her story and to lead her to Christ.
Fast forward to the story of Isaiah. Here he is....lying here at 10 weeks old....cooing and smiling and just such a happy boy. This blessing, this road, this is all part of his story. I feel as though I have known this child my whole life and every step, every stumble, every moment along the way was preperation for the gift that God had in store for us.
When we got the call about Isaiah we had no reservations. We weren't scared. We didn't say "What if this or What if that"...we just said, "Yes, Ok Lord. We will go!"
I can not adequately put into words the way it feels to hold him. To snuggle him. To kiss him. I dont know how to express to you the immense amount of joy he brings me every moment that I am awake. The moments when he is sleeping and breathing ever so gently and I see that he is safe and warm and healthy. The way when I walk into his room and say his name he immediately calms down and he smiles at me and he recognizes that I am his mother. Everyday I thank God for this journey and where it has led us and I know He has so much more in store for our lives. Isaiah is a miracle. He is God's child and I am so blessed just to be called his mother.
James 1: 2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. "
